Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Fancy bike rack hits Grand Avenue

I enjoyed locking my bike at the fancy new bike rack/shelter at 30th Ave and 31th St in Astoria. Brilliant to put it in front of the liquor store! I only live 2 short blocks away. But yes, I bike there all the time for shopping needs. I'm all for fancy bike racks, but I'd prefer more less fancy bike racks. Or bike racks on Steinway where there are no parking meters.

Still, I approve.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Ride

I already posted about this. But who remembers old blog posts?

The Ride is back in stock. I've got an article in it. And Bike Snob NYC likes it. What's not to like?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Bike for sale
Manly Bike for Sale
Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 765370039

Bike hits car

Or: "how to run into the rear of an SUV and have them apologize."

As traffic on Crescent St. was backed up near the Queensboro Bridge, my wife biked pass a parked SUV and smelled weed. When she turned her head to look inside, she ran (at very slow speed) smack into the rear bumper of stopped SUV in traffic.

Even though my wife had read-ended them, the occupants of the hit SUV were extremely apologetic. Strangely so. "We're so sorry!" they said many times. Only then did my wife realized that in fact the cloud of marijuana was coming from the SUV she just ran into.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Bike Snob on Bike Lanes

Once again, he's spot on:
Bike lanes are a contentious issue in the earnest and dorky world of bicycle advocacy. Some people feel that safe and protected bike lanes are the key to getting more people cycling. Others feel bike lanes are dangerous places to ride, and simply lull riders into a false sense of security when they should instead be asserting their right to the road. Still others feel that bike lanes are an insidious conspiracy of the oil and auto industries, and that they're really just "fly strips for cyclists" designed to lure them to a place where they can be easily doored, stuffed in trunks, and driven to labor camps where they are then forced to melt down their own bicycles and use the metal build replacement doors for cars.

Personally, I like bike lanes. Not because I think they work especially well, but because I think they're symbols of respect. I like that someone has to go out there and paint little pictures of bicycles all over the city for me. So when people park in the bike lane (or stroll in the bike lane, or ride skateboards in the bike lane, or allow their Cocker Spaniels to relieve themselves in the bike lane) I don't get angry because they're inconveniencing me. I'm more than capable of riding among the cars, and often do. No, I get angry in the same way Archie Bunker used to get angry when Meathead would sit in his special chair. I deal with enough crap as a cyclist, and the least the DOT can do is give me my special chair and make municipal employees fluff the pillows for me every so often by freshening the paint and filling the potholes. And when someone's in my special chair I get really annoyed. Sure, I could go sit somewhere else, but I don't want to! Get the hell out of my chair, Meathead!

Read the rest of his post here.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Park(ing) Day NYC 2008

I love the idea of squatting parking spaces. Technically, it's not really a squat, because you're paying legal rent. But it's a great idea. Take a parking space, make a park, have a party!

Why should inanimate objects get to take precious NYC real estate for the benefit of nobody?

Here's the link to Park(ing) Day NYC 2008.

I can't help but notice that nothing is happening in Astoria. Hopefully somebody reading this will take up the cause. And a great cause it is.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Murder on Crescent St

Good Samaritan killed by crack head in Dutch Kills/LIC. And in the Times.

Charges Against Shoved Cyclist Are Dropped

No surprise here. The question is what will happen to the officer.

Biking to the Supermarket in Amsterdam

There's a great little video showing a persons bike ride to the supermarket in Amsterdam. Click here then click on the video. No "action." Just a slice of life.

Why yes, that is what biking in Amsterdam is like.

But I want to point out something, as a radical. Just notice how few cars there are (that's good!) but notice how those very few cars force all those bikes into a tiny teeny little part of the road.

Amsterdam is a great cycling town. But it could be a lot better.

For starters, bike paths should be three bikes wide. You should be able to bike side-by-side with your friend or lover (it's one of the true joys of life) and still have bikes pass.

I bike to the supermarket here in Astoria. It's a shorter ride and less romantic, but man, nothing carries groceries like big saddle bags.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Big hauls on bikes

In the New York Times.

Most things can be moved by bikes. For instance, every time I see a Fresh Direct truck, I think of how easy it would be to delivery groceries with pedal power.

From the Times story:
A small but growing number of pedal-powered messengers are outfitting their bicycles and, in some cases, tricycles, with boxes and flatbeds on which they can load hundreds of pounds of cargo.

“Eighty percent of the jobs done in a van I can do,” said Hodari Depalm, the owner of Checker Courier, a cargo messenger company in Manhattan that says it can move up to 200 pounds of documents by bike. Mr. Depalm said his two-man messenger business had increased by 20 percent within the last year.

Gregg Zukowski has had similar success. A couple of years ago, Mr. Zukowski, the owner of Revolution Rickshaws, a fleet of pedicabs in Manhattan, replaced the passenger seats on a few of his tricycles with flatbeds and lockable cargo boxes capable of carrying up to 550 pounds of goods. He started using the tricycles to make deliveries for bakeries and catering companies and was even hired last month to help a man move into a one-bedroom apartment.